Meet compass face

At Templar’s local County Court, you will find a certain DJ that has the uncanny ability to make Templar’s blood boil to inhuman-degrees-celsius. Templar likes to call this Judge ‘compass face’. compass face (no capital letters deserved) has been given this name because IT (he/she) resembles a compass, one of those lethal weapons that school children are encouraged to carry in their pencil-cases supposedly for ‘geometry’ purposes. We all know what these compasses really get up to. At your average comprehensive, they take an eye of an unsuspecting year 8 pupil as often as every 2 to 3 years. After which the compass goes quietly back into the pencil-case as though it were as innocent as the eraser beside it. The compass suffers not and continues to be accepted as a useful and necessary mathematical instruments.

Judge compass face has a similar function at Templar’s local County Court. Disguised as an independently minded DJ, compass face continually abuses ITS powers by appeasing the masses of chavs (the irresponsible on the facts kind) that come before IT. Templar has had the misfortune of being listed before compass face in no less than 5 possession hearings. Templar of course always representing the mortgage lender.

Each time Templar strolls into the County Court and reads that compass face will be hearing the possession application, Templar behaves like a proper tweenage adult. Wipes away tears of blood, takes a super-deep breath and makes an extra special effort to be extra specially nice to the chav in the waiting room (who usually is not waiting and typically walks in three minutes before being called in, smelling of fags, sweat and vodka). Templar endeavors to find out everything there is to no about the chav (and probably knows more about Ms Chav than her fourth husband). Templar does this in order to be able to give compass face lots of information about said chav’s financial and personal situation so that compass face might see that Templar is not a heartless-evil-corpse of a non-practicing barrister.

Once through the chambers door,Templar makes every effort to show compass face that Templar is considerate of the chavs ‘difficult situation’ by doing everything for the chav, save kissing their painted toe nail stiletto cladded feet. This ordinarily includes holding the door open for the chav, uber humble body language and showing them where to sit, all in plain site of compass face... who chooses to overlook Templar’s efforts and never fails to equal Templar’s efforts of kindness with ITS own efforts of evil and mischievous schemes of destruction.

It has to be said that compass face has a Jekyll and Hyde personality ... Its kindness to chavs is almost maternal. Templar is left watching in a daze as compass faces’ eyes soften and ITS voice becomes soothing as it pats the chav as chav cries.

compass faces’ behavior behind closed-chambers-doors is astounding. IT always does ITS best to make Templar look silly. Having decided that the chav before IT needs to fully understand the ins and outs of possession law, compass face turns ITS chisel like face towards Templar and barks “Mr/Mrs/Ms/Dr/Prof Templar QC, perhaps you can explain to Ms Chav....” compass face then sits back and stares just waiting for Templar to miss-state something or another. It never happens. And Templar continues to pray to the heavens that it never will.

My dear compass face, if you happen to be reading this post, then you should be deeply ashamed of yourself. . A fully grown DJ like yourself, reading through the posts of a neonate-barrister - repulsive pedophiliac behavior. Be gone!

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them. To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: aye, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.

William Shakespeare

[Hamlet]

Templar’s Current Predicament (Warning - a rant)

Thanks to God, He who was generous with brain cells when creating Templar, Templar has always had what Templar wanted. Templar effortlessly achieved and achieved and achieved.Templar made Templar’s parents damn proud...

...lead role in the school play every year without fail...Chairperson of the Student Council... Student Ambassador.. Peer Mediator... best SATs results in both primary and secondary school...solid GCSE, A level, LLB and BVC results... Inn Scholarship..and the list goes on...

Templar is an angel. Templar dose not drink, smoke take drugs and hasn’t been spotted at a rock concert! Templar has been successful in every interview and selection process and has been picked for everything Templar has ever waned to do - until 2008.

In 2008 Templar was Called to the Bar and that is when everything stopped. Either the luck ran out or the recession was a personal vendetta against Templar. Templar has on two occasions made it through to final round interviews for pupillage and then been told that chambers is withdrawing the pupillage vacancy.

Templar has paid to learn at University and at Bar School and so Templar finds it rather odd that chambers MUST pay pupils. Templar does not ask to be paid and Templar would almost happily pay Chambers for a Pupillage. Templar would not consider this exploitation, in comparison to spending the best part of a year working voluntarily as a Paralegal.

On a different note (since sporadic disconnected thoughts are the norm for rants)Templar must share that Templar continues to be enraged that Prince William has been made a Barrister. Templar has plowed through comprehensive school and sixth form, a top 10 University and borrowed a bank to complete the BVC. The brain power, time and money invested in Templar’s pursuit to become a Bstar should not be mocked by Prince-Airhead-Poncy-William. Not that Templar has anything against Prince William, bless his cotton socks (he was rather hot in his youth, albeit short-lived) but why when he collects enough money from tax payers to pay for half of greater Manchester to complete the BVC, does he get the frggin Bstar title for free -and without having done a single plea in mitigation.Templar knows that Willy is not allowed to use his sexy new title to try and secure a Pupillage but that is beside the point.

Templar needs to take a nap.

If it may please the readership, my name is Templar. I represent the applicant in this case and my learned friend OLPAS, is for the respondent...

...ah mooting, feels like a lifetime ago. Those were the days. Those were the days when I was both cute and naive enough to think that extensive mooting experience and success would actually help in my pursuit to secure a Pupillage.

This is all off the point of my first post. Apologies. Please allow me to properly introduce myself. Templar, is my blogger name but the rest of what is to follow will be far from fictional. The purpose of this blog is to add to those written by others who are actively seeking Pupillage. I make no promises that this blog will be informative, helpful or interesting. It’s probably going to best serve the selfish purpose of clearing my head and maintaining my sanity, if that hasn’t already escaped me. I hope that for those of you out there who are sat in the same boat, this blog can at least help you to understand that you are not alone. I’m told that I am a good motivational speaker, so I shall do my best to charitably splat out some motivating prose every now and then.

As for the content of the posts, they will not always be politically/morally correct. Posts will come sometimes twice a day and at other times once a month - bare with me.

Please always feel free to comment

If you have been, thank you for reading.